The simple answer is no. It’s not your fault. You may feel shame or blame, but that’s your emotional state of mind. It’s not your fault.
Repeat after me. It’s not your fault.
Cheating is never an appropriate or justified response to any difficult situation in a relationship. There’s nothing you did to cause someone to cheat
Reminders:
🖤Cheating is a choice that someone makes using their own free will. They chose to step out of the relationship. They chose to lie. They chose to break their commitments and promises to you.
🖤There’s nothing you could have done differently to change your partner's behavior and choices. Even if there was adversity or conflict in a relationship, that is never justification to go outside the relationship to secretly engage with another. Many couples argue and disagree and it does not lead to cheating. Relationship issues are separate from an individual's choice to go outside the relationship and cheat.
🖤If your partner blames you or your relationship on his/her cheating, it is only an excuse. Cheating is a poor choice to manage uncomfortable feelings. Your partner had the option to be honest and either leave the relationship or work to repair the relationship. Instead, s/he chose to lie, sneak around, and go against his/her promises and commitments to you.
Please never accept the narrative that you have anything to do with your partner’s cheating behaviors. Any relationship issues that you and your partner might have are completely separate from your partner’s cheating and should be discussed separately (after the betrayal has been fully dealt with). Removing self-blame will grant you the confidence to make a decision about your future and how you want to move forward in your healing path.
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